Author: Being MJ Everyday

Being MJ everyday is a story of survival, courage and hope. I want to share my daily struggles with CPTSD as well as tell my story of horrific child abuse. I was sexually abused from the ages of 5 to 15. There were multiple abusers, both men and women. I was always able to be superwoman until being stranded in Hurricane Harvey in 2017. This event triggered memories and flashbacks of all the years of abuse. I’m recovering and telling my story to bring courage and hope to others. I hope to become a speaker and advocate for adult survivors. Thank you for reading my story and feel free to share. ❤️ MJ

Day 193 – I Was Lost ~

I can’t believe it was October when I last blogged. So many things have happened over the last year and a half, that I feel like I am barely treading water most days.

Over this period of time, my brother has passed away. My stepdad (who was my only Dad) passed away. I hurt my knee. I had Covid twice. I had the flu. I had a 3-week asthma attack and lost most of the vision in my right eye due to cataracts.

I started with a second therapist for EMDR last June and I’m still seeing Mrs. A. Between therapy and my crazy life happenings, there has been lot of stress.

I lost most of creativity during this time. No art. No writing. No speaking. Nothing. Just literally getting thru the days.

The one good thing that happened was that my Dad left me a little bit of an inheritance. That came with it’s own responsibilities and emotions. It did make me feel good that he thought enough of me to make sure I was left some inheritance. On the other hand, I never wanted money from either of my parents. I just wanted to feel loved and accepted. I never felt like I was much more than a disappointment and a burden.

Anyway, since starting EMDR, I have learned a whole lot about nervous system and brain functions. I also have learned that some of my own behaviors are annoying to me and that I want very much to change those. Of course, my harsh self-criticism and judgement haven’t changed.

When I started this blog, on July 27th, 2018, I said I would always be open and honest and share my entire recovery journey.

So, I’m starting over. Trying to rekindle the writing flames. Trying to spark some kind of hope in this adventure called life.

I hope my readers haven’t forgotten me, and I hope to continue my healing journey with everyone’s love, prayers, and support.

Until next time – I am being MJ everyday!