It has been a long while since I posted a blog. I was diagnosed with Covid in February and was at home for one month. I was hospitalized twice with Covid symptoms. I guess I could have written a blog or two during this time, but, honestly, I just went into shut down. It was enough to manage my own care and try to stay upbeat without dealing with the emotions of therapy, trauma, etc.
The quarantine requirements of Covid makes it hard to ask your friends for help or even just to have visitors to keep you company. The days become very long and seem to be never ending. The first three weeks, I barely slept. The medications and the symptoms keep you awake. The chest pains and difficulty breathing make it scary to lie down. It was definitely a life changing experience. You learn to appreciate just being able to touch another person. I was never a person who liked hugs, or even people in my space. But at that time, all I wanted was for someone to sit near me and hold my hand, or let me put my head on their shoulder.
In the hospital, you are isolated and the only people you see are the nurses and doctors. When they come in your room, they are covered in PPE and you can’t even really tell what they look like. You almost feel sorry for the people who do come in your room to help you. I tried not to ask for anything unless I absolutely needed it. Most of the time that I was in the hospital, I sat in a chair by the window and just looked out at the world. I listened to music and played games on my phone.
Just before I was diagnosed with Covid, I had really begun to open up in therapy and started to share the tough stuff. During Covid, Mrs. A and I mostly talked about the illness and healing, etc. There wasn’t much talk about trauma because I was so afraid of getting in a tough spot when I’m having to spend so much time alone. Taking the break from the hard stuff was both good and bad. I truly couldn’t have handled it during the illness but also, it made it incredibly hard to get started again.
Anyway, that is where I have been. I will be posting more in the upcoming days as I start to dive back into the trauma memories and the process of healing.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.