Day 155 ~ I Did It!

Yesterday was the two years anniversary since the beginning of my blog. I had no idea that I would follow thru and continue to blog this long. I have blogged 154 times. It has been read by people in 41 different countries. I also had no idea that my blog would even be of interest to anyone.

Since that time, I have gone thru another 300+ trauma therapy sessions.  I have written and spoken in public regarding the abuse. I have participated in radio shows and a tele-summit of survivors. I also participated in a speaker’s bureau training for a non-profit organization.

I have gone thru the death of my mother, my ex-husband (son’s father), a sister-in-law, and a few distant relatives. 

Thru Facebook groups, this blog, radio shows and tele-summit, I have met and exchanged emails or spoken to hundreds of survivors.  I have even adopted one of the survivors as my own daughter.

I have struggled with the urge to self-harm and even end my own life.  I have spent days crying, and spent days laughing.  I’ve loved and hated therapy. I have loved and hated myself.

I have learned new techniques and ways to soothe myself.  I have learned to feel again. And by the way, feeling is not always a pleasant thing.  I was quite content with being numb and not feeling the pain.

I started dating again.  It definitely was not in my plans but I’ve learned to be a little more vulnerable, nonetheless.  I’m probably not ready for a relationship but I’m open to looking at it for my future.

So today I celebrate all survivors worldwide. My accomplishment has not been easy.  In the past, I would not have been able to say anything positive about myself.  But there is hope for our future.  There is hope for recovery. 

Healing still seems a million miles away but closer than two years ago.  Recovering from child sexual abuse is, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  But I’m still fighting.  I’m still alive.

So, let’s celebrate this milestone!! Go Me!

Until next time – I am being MJ everyday.

9 thoughts on “Day 155 ~ I Did It!

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