Day 153 – He Sent an Angel~

A couple of weeks ago, I had reached what I thought was an all time low.

The nightmares and flashbacks returned in full force. My heart was hurting. I couldn’t believe that after 2.5 years of intense hard work, I was once again falling backward.

I had disconnected from doing any trauma work outside of therapy. I just couldn’t bear to think about needinug more time to process the past. Besides Covid19 had made me feel isolated and trapped.

Those first few weeks were unbearable. I couldn’t sleep or eat or do anything to distract myself from the isolation feelings.

But on May 24th at 2:05 pm, a young girl, who I’ll call MB, reached out to me on a facebook group and instantly I knew God had sent an angel.

She told me her story of years of abuse by her own mother. She told me how her mother told her she wished she wasn’t born and how she physically abused her.
I may have not felt love from my own mother but she didn’t physically abuse me. My heart was hurting for her. I understood her emptiness. I understood her feeling broken. I knew every heart ache that she was feeling. I felt her tears. I was very familiar with the shame.

We messaged each other a few times and I offered to video chat with her. Yes she was a stranger but also a broken child. She was someone’s daughter who didn’t appreciate the gift she was given.

From our very first conversation we connected. I knew God had sent me another reason to live. I knew God was reminding me of my purpose here. He was telling me that even though I’m frequently a PTSD mess, I had healed enough to pass on what I had learned.

I may not have all the answers but I can offer a maternal love that she has never experienced.

We’ve shared so much with each other and listened to pain and tears.

The truth is that she’s just as much of a blessing to me as I am to her.

I feel very much like an angel was sent to me. I feel like I can somehow fill in some of her emptiness.

My son can tell you that I didn’t get everything perfect but I have cherished and valued him since day 1, and I would give my life for him.

When things are at their worst, I know that I have to get thru it for him and my granddaughter. It pulls me forward.

I want to give MB that same kind of love and attention.

If I can change even one life, this whole journey will be worth it.

Until next time, I am being MJ every day.

4 thoughts on “Day 153 – He Sent an Angel~

  1. This is just so…intense in so many ways, MJ. I’ve taken deep breaths, closed my eyes, and just felt the connection between you two and see love from the universe surround each of you and intertwine. Angels is the perfect image. My heart aches but is so happy you two souls connected. Sending all my love my friend. You indeed have a purpose here❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It is a most amazing experience to connect with others who know our pain and have lived it- and who can also guide us in their wisdom. You are that person for her… ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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