Day 143 ~ He’s Got a Big Stick

On Saturday I had to go to the emergency room. I had an awful sore throat. My tongue was even starting to swell. I could barely swallow.

In walks an older doctor with white hair. Maybe Russian or Polish. He needs to look in my throat. Not a problem. This is a routine procedure.

What I didn’t expect was a full force flashback. Because my throat was so swollen, he just kept pushing in the tongue depressor and saying, “wider, wider”. I was gagging to say the least.

I don’t think that most of the medical community is trauma or PTSD informed. I’m sure that it never crossed his mind that I might have been sexually abused as a child. I’m sure that he never thought that maybe I couldn’t handle him saying “wider, wider” with a forceful voice. I’m sure he never thought that a 55 year old woman could be re-traumatized by a stick.

He begins telling me how swollen my uvula is, etc. but I can’t focus on what he is saying. Tears are coming down and I’m trying not to be a baby.

Needless to say, my self-talk is not good. I’m embarrassed although no one knows that the tears aren’t from gagging.

This has never been a problem before and maybe never will be again. I just wish God would send me a preparation warning before something turns my day upside down.

I had to remind myself how far I’ve come and where I want to be.

Until next time – I am being MJ every time.

6 thoughts on “Day 143 ~ He’s Got a Big Stick

  1. That would have been completely overwhelming for you.. I think you managed it so well and make a very important point in this.. have been traumatised by the medical profession myself but not over as huge an injury as sexual abuse…thank you for sharing about this.. Hope things have calmed for you now. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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