Last night I went to bed struggling with some thoughts. I was rehearsing, in my head, what to say to Mrs. A today in therapy. I knew exactly what I should talk about.
We recently changed our focus in therapy to just one abuser at a time while talking about memories, so that I could stay focused and not get so overwhelmed that I have to dissociate.
So as I’m thinking about what to say, the memories are just popping up like a whack-a-mole game.
I have on spa music, aromatherapy, lotion, a candle, a beach waves video on TV and my weighted blanket.
I should have been just fine. But I tossed and turned,and yelled out in my sleep, all night. It was awful.
Needless to say, when I got in with Mrs. A today, I couldn’t say what I had set out to say. I ended up leaving with a lot of negative self talk and the feeling of being so childlike and immature.
So tonight, I’m going to just try to sleep. No obsessive thoughts and no worry. Truthfully I am exhausted. I need to let my self -expections go and just rest.
I hope tonight is the night!!
Until next time – I am being MJ everyday.