Day 119 – The Spa

Last night I went to bed struggling with some thoughts. I was rehearsing, in my head, what to say to Mrs. A today in therapy. I knew exactly what I should talk about.

We recently changed our focus in therapy to just one abuser at a time while talking about memories, so that I could stay focused and not get so overwhelmed that I have to dissociate.

So as I’m thinking about what to say, the memories are just popping up like a whack-a-mole game.

I have on spa music, aromatherapy, lotion, a candle, a beach waves video on TV and my weighted blanket.

I should have been just fine. But I tossed and turned,and yelled out in my sleep, all night. It was awful.

Needless to say, when I got in with Mrs. A today, I couldn’t say what I had set out to say. I ended up leaving with a lot of negative self talk and the feeling of being so childlike and immature.

So tonight, I’m going to just try to sleep. No obsessive thoughts and no worry. Truthfully I am exhausted. I need to let my self -expections go and just rest.

I hope tonight is the night!!

Until next time – I am being MJ everyday.

One thought on “Day 119 – The Spa

  1. I spent many days with my therapist saying nothing at all. I had a hard time with that too. In my book are many letters I wrote to my therapist but never sent. Try writing to your therapist and see if that helps. At least it’s a way to get your feeling out.


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