What A day. I’ve been awake for 36 hours now. I wish I could say I was sleepy.
I’m hoping to lay down tonight and not care about anything.
I was yelled at twice today by other employees. I had the typical work Monday.
I went to dinner with my son after to celebrate Mother’s Day. I can have the worst day, and he’s always sunshine. He gave me a bracelet. I just love it.
He knows how to make me smile.
I need to go to bed. I need to sleep. Friday night I had disturbing dreams. One of them is recurring. Same place, same scenario. The other was a new one but woke me up feeling sad and scared. Like it was so real.
Anyway, I’m not dreading the sleep. I’m dreading the bed. I actually do want to be a normal person and sleep every night. But sleep has never been a place of safety. It’s never been a place where I get peace.
I’d love it if my Mom came and tucked me in and kissed me on the forehead.
Or my husband held me until I fell asleep.
Oh wait, neither of those can happen.
Im hoping tomorrow will be less frustrating and I can continue to get clarity and direction with each passing day.
So for tonight, God, can you please be my Father and pick me up when the nightmares are too much? I’ll stretch out my arms so that you will know that I need You.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.