Work has been my life saver. It has protected me from thinking, feeling, and participating in relationships.
Two weeks ago I quit working at #1381 because I had been working two jobs for 7 years.
What I did was start working longer hours at my first job.
Last week my Doctor’s nurse called and said there were some things in my blood work that are a little alarming. More tests to follow on the 20th.
I told no one. But I haven’t felt well for a few weeks. The Nurse suggested more rest, less stress, etc.
In my usual fashion, I worked even more.
On Wednesday, I felt so bad but stayed at work determined to get in at least 12 hours for the day.
My co-worker keeps telling me that I need to do deep breathing and then go home. She says I look like I’m not ok.
After leaving, I stopped at our local grocery store and took my blood pressure. It was very high. I was literally seeing stars.
I left there and with the encouragement of my son and a friend, I went to the emergency room.
When I arrived, my blood pressure was 184/106. I felt so awful.
The pumped me full of drugs and sent me home.
I’ve spent the last two days on my sofa, trying to figure out how I get so out of control.
Today, I talked to Mrs. A for a phone session. Probably the most relaxed I have been in months.
We talked about relationships and love. We talked about negative self talk.
She frequently gives me homework in between sessions. Some of the assignments I avoid but eventually I try to go back to them.
I’m currently working on positive self labels. That’s a hard one for me.
Two weeks ago, we discussed my need to minimize the abuse whenever someone asks me about it. It’s too hard for me to admit I was brave and strong and survived awful things.
But in thinking about it this past week, I created this meme of myself.
I posted it on multiple private groups and it has been shared now almost 100 times.
Wow. How did I do that? I never thought adding my face to a meme would make me less ashamed. I was feeling almost like it was payback to the abusers for making me hide the secrets.
Anyway, this post is kind of all over the place but I just felt like using my down time to write and reconnect to my creative side.
I would really like to say thanks to all of the readers and especially those tbat continually follow me and/or offer support. It’s been a great experience to share and connect.
Love and prayers my sisters and brothers. 💜🙏🏼
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.