I went to see my step-dad for the Easter Weekend. He is my Dad since I did not grow up with my biological father.
He’s been really sad since my mother passed away in October. She was his whole life. He took care of her for most of their life together. She was always sick or mentally unstable. Regardless, he loved her and devoted his whole life to her.
For that he definitely should receive an award of honor because she never made it easy for him.
We watched tv and shared news. We walked his property and looked at all of his unfinished projects. So many things he never got time to do because he was taking care of Mother.
His favorite piece of equipment is his John Deere tractor. As I walked outside alone to breathe out the sadness, I looked at the tractor and even took pictures of it.
It really made me think of what a powerful thing it can do by digging up the earth.
God gives me these visual metaphors when I least expect it.
The tractor digs up the old soil and makes room for the new. Sometimes there may be tree stumps or rocks that hinder the progess. But the tractor continues to dig until the land is clear of debris.
I’ve been digging out debris for over a year now. I didn’t want to. I wanted to plant my new life on the old ground that is full of roots and rocks. But would I have grown at all over the past year?
As I look back to October 2017, when I first began therapy, I can see a difference. There are small changes. There is a lot of debris that’s been brought to the surface.
I’m a long way from having the whole field plowed up. But I’m still digging.
So what I’m learning is that I’m pretty strong. I have been thru a lot of soil and debris in my life.
Instead of being frustrated with not being “finished” with my healing journey, I now can see how strong and resilient I have been. Could anyone else have survived my past?
I’m learning to be my own hero. I’m learning to thank God for my survival skills that kept me alive. Even though my accomplishments probably pale in comparison to the rich and famous, I ran the race and survived. I have a wealth of life experiences and have developed a resilience that the average person doesn’t have.
Digging it up the soil may be the best thing I ever did. Can’t wait to plant some daisies.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.