I just returned to Florida from a South Dakota Business trip. I was so excited to come back to the warm weather and to the familiarity of home.
My first night in my bed was the usual bad dreams, crying out, and feeling so alone.
Why does being away from my own bed, bring me comfort? How did I stay in a hotel for 5 nights and never have a bad dream.
It’s totally backward. I should feel safe at home. I should have peace in my own bed. What is wrong with me?
I guess I already know the answer to that question. But does this struggle ever end?
Being away has a certain sense of comfort. It’s like I’m hiding from the evil people and they can never find me. It’s also like I’m invisible when I’m in a city where no one knows me. They don’t know my secrets. They can’t feel my pain. They can’t identify me as good or bad.
I’m struggling today to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’m struggling to find the smile that I had on for the last week.
The reality is that when I come to this place that I call home, it’s foreign to me.
This is not home sweet home. This is another dose of reality. And today I don’t want to feel it!
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.