I have a close friend who is also a co-worker. She beautiful, well-spoken, talented, and very professional.
When I first met her years ago, I thought to myself that she would never be friends with someone like me.
I always though of myself as the opposite of everything she is.
The one thing that stood out to me is how much she was respected in the office.
Two years ago, I decided to surround myself with at least 5 powerful and influential women.
I learned a lot my observing their dress, behaviors, and their personalities in the workplace. It motivated me to strive to be more successful.
Little did I know that I would be reaching out to these same women for support during my journey with PTSD.
Anyway, back to my friend, who I will call J.P. Last Friday night, I went thru a crisis with some emotional struggles and was distraught.
Without going into detail, J.P. appeared at the exact moment that I needed someone. She had no idea what I was going through or even where I was at for that matter.
She gave me some tough love while also being very compassionate.
Later that evening I was thinking again how put together she is and always knows just what to say. I felt so immature and wondered if she really thought I was crazy.
But after looking at all the details, we both know it was God that placed her there at that exact moment.
It was God who gave her the words to say to me, even though she had no idea what was happening.
A few days later, she and I were having a conversation in her office and we talked again about how that whole evening played out.
But while I was in her office she shared something very personal with me. And with tears in her eyes, she told me about one of her own insecurities.
My first thought was that she was probably just trying to make me feel better. But after I went back to my office, I realized that she was being real with me. She was being authentic and she trusted me with that information.
Two things I learned from that conversation. One, is that everyone is dealing with or working on something. And the second thing I learned is that I have value.
Can it be? Would someone trust ME with their thoughts or feelings?
ME?? The girl who lost her way at 5 years old and has never been found? Me who screams in her sleep and wakes up crying almost every night. Me who doesn’t feel worthy of anyone’s love or trust?
J.P. taught me something that day without even knowing it.
Being authentic tells everyone around you that you are human too.
And being compassionate and empathetic to other people’s needs also makes them feel valuable.
I’m trying to learn to be authentic but it’s hard not to hear the old messages playing in your mind. It’s hard to feel like an adult when your 5 year old self is always haunting you.
I’m working on me and this narrow lense that I view the world thru. Hopefully, I will see clearer each day.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.