I know I keep saying this, but this healing journey is no joke.
Recovery is harder than going thru the actual abuse.
When the abuse is happening, you are numb and distant. You can block out everything that is happening simply by imagining that it isn’t happening. Or imagining you are on the beach, or eating an ice cream, or taking a hot shower.
But revisiting the abuse is not so pretty.
You can’t pretend anymore. You can’t disappear in your mind. You can’t unsee what has happened.
It’s a movie that plays on repeat in slow motion. It’s a horror movie that’s not fiction.
It’s reality. It’s your reality.
It’s as if you are on life raft with ocean waves breaking all around you.
No lifeguard. Just you waiting to drown in the next big wave.
It seems like everyone has forgotten that you are stuck out there. They have gone on with their lives and asked you to pull yourself out.
The one thing I know is that if you keep treading water you can get your head up and just breath.
Sometimes you have to go back under to appreciate the big breath you can take when your head is above the water again.
Not knowing how you will make it out is the scariest thing.
But keep your hand outstretched for those who can help you.
You will make it to shore. You will breath again. The waves are a powerful teacher.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.