I’ve had a lot of health challenges in the last few weeks. Currently my foot is broken and I’m having trouble with Anemia.
It has caused me to come to a sudden halt. Not working. Lying around, and trying to be still. Not an easy task for me.
My foot has been broken probably at least three weeks. I talked myself out of the pain.
There aren’t too many types of pain that I haven’t felt in my life. Severe burns, knee injuries, car accidents, sexual abuse, physical abuse, just to name a few.
I was think today how important walking is. And it came to me that walking can be physical walking or emotional walking.
I stay super busy so I dont have to do the emotional walking. I am always on the go. Always busy. And then sleep. Not really much in between.
But now that I have a broken foot, it’s a good time to start emotionally walking again.
It’s just as painful as walking on a broken foot. My life was broken. I just never took the time to stop and listen to my own pain.
Part of my abuse was emotional or verbal. If I cried or didn’t feel well, I was just wanting attention.
So when my foot start hurting, I became a soldier. I work 60 hours each week on it. The pain was a lot but I felt that if I went to the doctor and nothing was wrong, I would feel stupid. Maybe be chastised by the doctor. So I just keep going. When I finally couldn’t handle the pain anymore, I went to the doctor. I told him I thought my potassium was low or my feet were tired from walking on the tile floor. He looked at me as if I had a third eye.
When the x-rays came back, he said it was fractured. I was sad and happy at the same time.
At least the pain wasn’t in my head.
But when I got back to the car, I started to panic about how I would work, drive etc.
Now I’m down. Seeing the ortho doctor tomorrow. Don’t know what the outcome will be but I’m going to walk in there with a smile.
Because what I know is that even though physically walking will be hard, I can still keep walking toward my trauma and PTSD recovery.
Thank you God for carrying me when it hurts to walk. I’m kicking down the brush on my new path.
Happy New Year and thank you for caring about my journey.
Make your own path. Walk towards your own healing and well-being.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.