The last few days have been ok. I say that with a little bit of hesitation because I’m always thinking that another meltdown could be just around the corner.
Of course, I base most of my misbeliefs on details of the past.
If it happened before, it will happen again.
The truth is that the past lies. The past tells you that you can never change. The past tells you that life will always be hard. The past tells you that you can’t have a future.
The past has nothing new to say, no matter how many times you go back there.
Yes, we must learn from the past but if we don’t move forward, we cannot apply the lessons we have learned to our future.
My past is dark. Of course, not all of it. I do have great accomplishments. I do have a beautiful son and granddaughter. I did have love in my life at one time.
But looking back, all I see is the evil and darkness. I’m trying so hard to change the glasses that I view the past thru.
Looking back sometimes distorts your vision. But if you turn toward the future, the sunlight can always seep in.
Yes the parts of the past were horrible but it can’t determine my future. I have to face the truth but put it in perspective.
I’m scared to move on. I’ve grown accustomed to not having hope. I’ve been used to heartache. I’ve blocked a lot of opportunities for fear of repeating past failures and trauma.
They say the truth will set you free. I say that I won’t be free until I can believe that the past lies.
Until next time ~ I am being MJ everyday.