Last night I shared my story on blog talk radio. It was the first time I have ever share a synopsis of my life. I shared personal information on a national radio show.
Ten minutes before the show, I was pacing around the room. I knelt down to pray and asked God for the right words to say.
As usual, I was worried about saying the wrong thing or sounding unintelligent.
The show lasted about 90 minutes. I’m not even sure I was breathing during that time.
A lot of thoughts went thru my mind before during and after. Part of me wondered if people would think it sounded too unreal to be true.
In a sense I felt like I had betrayed my family by telling the “secrets”.
The truth is that they aren’t around anyway, so it shouldn’t matter.
I felt very strong and powerful for making it thru in one piece. I had a lot of encouragent from friends.
The purpose of the show is to bring awareness to and stop child sexual abuse.
This organization has become family. The support and tools that you can find there are priceless.
I have recently become an ambassador for NAASCA and I hope to serve any way I can.
Anyway, I did the show and finished and spent sometime watching a movie to try and forget all of the things I had just told on the air.
I had a very hard time settling. I was restless and anxious. I wasn’t expecting it to feel so real.
I had heavy sadness, last night and all day today. It’s such a mixture of emotions.
I don’t think that I have truly accepted it as MY life.
Today was my granddaughter’s birthday so it helped me to stay focused. She helps me to stay grounded.
She’s turning 13 tomorrow and it’s hard to watch her at this age and not feel some sadness for myself. I am scared to death for her because there are so many awful things happening in the world right now. I just want to lock her up at home and never let her be hurt by anyone.
She is beautiful and becoming such an amazing young woman. I hope she never sees the ugly part of the world that I grew up with. Here she is a few months ago –
Im so exhausted tonight. I have had 4 nights with very little sleep. I’m praying for a night of peace even if I can’t sleep.
I appreciate everyone that supported me doing the show. I do feel like the secret is out.
Maybe now, I can move on and prepare for the next time that I am given the opportunity to tell my story.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.