Day 31 – The Wilderness

For a while now, I have felt like I’m on the edge of a vast wilderness. I feel like I have been preparing to go in over the past year.

The wilderness is scary and big. I’m afraid if I go in, I may never come out. Or worse yet, what’s in there could kill me.

Many times I felt like I took a few steps in and it was too overwhelming.

I mentioned this thought to my therapist today and what she said gave me a different perspective.

She said I’ve been in the wilderness for sometime now. She said I had to go in with really nothing but faith since I didn’t have time to pack what I might need for things I could encounter.

She also said that I’m too far in to turn around and try to find my way back to the beginning.

Wow. What perpective. I thought I hadn’t even begun my journey and she thinks I’m well into it.

I still feel like I have such a long way to go. But what I realized is that the wilderness is not as dark as it was 6 months ago. I can see some flickers of sunlight thru the trees. Before, all I could see was darkness.

When you don’t know what you will be like when you leave the wilderness it’s scary. Especially when you feel all alone. Why not just turn around and run for your life?

I honestly don’t know how I survived the journey that brought me into the wilderness but thank God I did.

When I get to the other side, I’m going to grab the hands of those that loved me thru this, and let them help pull me out.

If I stumble or trip while walking in the trees, I pray God will pick me up and give me another glimpse of sunlight.

If I’m really in it now, I have to start unpacking my survival tools and trust that I am brave enough to find a way out.

Mrs. A is so right. I’m all the way in now. I really have to take my blinders off to see if I can find some beauty in the forest. If I do, I’m going to bring it out into the sunlight and share it with the world.

Until next time – I am being MJ every day.