I have a blanket on my bed that I have had since I was 8 years old. Almost 46 years.
This blanket has seen so many things and has been so many places.
I recently carried this blanket to therapy with me for what I knew was going to be a difficult session.
Until that day, I never realized that this blanket had a mother panda bear with two babies on it. I always just called it my bear blanket.
It actually made me sad to realize that I had the blanket instead of my mother’s love and acceptance.
Generally, this blanket stays folded neatly on the corner of my bed.
That’s what I’ve done with my pain all these years. Just kept my feelings folded neatly in the back of my mind. Sort of preserving them I guess.
Today the feelings are unfolding along with the memories and hurt just as clealy as they began 40 years ago.
I’m debating if I should destroy this blanket when I’m feeling stronger or if it should be with me until the end of time?
For now, and until I’m feeling safe, I’ll keep it on my bed to remind me of how far I’ve come and what I’ve survived.
Until next time – I am being MJ every day.