Being me every day is a challenge. At 53, I went to bed one night with the most horrible nightmares that quickly brought me down so far that I wanted to die. Not only did I want to die, but I was planning my own departure from this life. All of this has happened in the last 18 months. I’ve had to work really hard to want to survive and live. What I have found is that the secrets Ive been holding on to for over 40 years have changed who I am without me even knowing it.
Those secrets have set the stage for everything I do and how I have always felt about myself. It is but by the Grace of God and an awesome support team that I am alive to tell my story.
Since planning my own death, I have been in therapy twice a week to try and find meaning and purpose for my life.
I decided to write my story for three reasons.
The first reason is to give hope to others and let you know that you are not alone.
The second reason is to give myself a voice that was taken from me at 5 years old.
And third, I hope that this can be a learning tool for friends, relatives, teachers, doctors, attorneys, trauma therapists and religious leaders, just to name a few.
I thought about telling the story from the beginning but it is truly overwhelming. So as I journal my daily thoughts, feelings, and struggles, I will start to share bits and pieces of my story.
Feel free to comment, offer love and prayers and words of wisdom when you feel like it.
Thanks to all of my support team, which I will name later. Your love is truly the breath i breathe.
Until tomorrow, I am MJ everyday.